for kicks! My day with Puck

The day that I met Puck, was a cloudy and windy, fall day in New England. It started like any other day that I had lived in my 18 years. I woke up at 6 am, showered, brushed my teeth and hair; and rummaged through my closet looking for something suitable to wear for playing my guitar on the corner. I skipped my breakfast, as I usually did but grabbed a bagel, which I knew I wouldn't eat, for good measure to make my father happy.
'Have a good Day Livy. I heart you.' My father tried to be cool by making a heart with his hands, as I did the same with the friends I allowed him to meet.
"I heart you too, Dad." I made the same gesture towards my father and added "Please go to work today. You know I can't support us both."
I pleaded to him, and he, of course, made his puppy-dog eyes, batting his eyelashes he said, "I will. Promise." Just like he always did.
I smiled and headed out the door muttering under my breath "Jesus, no wonder why mom left. I cannot wait until I get enough money to leave this hell hole". I slammed the door, hoping he didn't hear me and headed down our apartment stairs. At the bottom I bumped, rather smashed, into Miss. Keaton who unfortunately was my math teacher, and my neighbor.
"Well, Olivia Maris, that is the third time this week and it is only Wednesday. One would think you are trying to sabatoge my mornings, and continue to skip my class, let alone the whole school day. Tisk Tisk. Now be a dear and help me clean this up." She was right about most of her statement. I was skipping her class AND the whole school day to go to 'work,' I helped pick up her things, avoiding eye contact and tuning her naisly voice out with every single ounce of effort my body could muster.
"Have a good day Miss. Keaton," I said as I ran out the door and around the corner of our apartment, running away from her prying beady green eyes and more critasism.

*********

I spent the rest of the morning playing my guitar and singing every song I knew by heart, in the center of our town for small bills and coins. Most passersby 'oh-ed' and 'awed', put money in my case and kept on walking. Around noon, I stopped to get a coffee from our local Starbucks. I didn't drink it, I was cold and was using the warmth to take the chill off. I was starring out the window at the cars, dreaming of the day when I would have my own car,  and my own house. Maybe one day I would have my own family, one that I wouldn't abandon like my mother did with me and my father. I blinked away the urge to cry when I notice some one was standing in my way of the view of my unlikely future.
"I've been watching you." Said a tall, handsome young man with the most amazing green eyes I had ever seen.
"Creep" I scowled at him.
"Well that did sound creepy. Sorry. I'm Robin." He offered his hand for a friendly shake, but with my look of complete horror he quickly withdrew.
'What do you want?" I tilted my head to the side letting my brown hair fall to the table.
"Oh. Uh. Well, I was watching you sing and play. I think you pretty good."
I smirked at him blushing. "Thanks."
"Welcome. I'm a recruiter for Arcaidia Records and I would like to get you a record deal."
I fidgeted in my seat. It sounded too good to be true and I told him so, "It sounds way too good to be true. Why should I trust a total stranger? One that doesn't look like a producer, or recruiter or whatever you are. Get out of here." I pointed toward the door a little bit angry that this Robin had wasted so much of my time. To my surprise he pulled out a business card and put it on the table. I picked it up as he turned to leave. It was green, probably made of organic paper, with handwritten writing, reading

"Arcaidia Records
Robin Goodfellow
Producer, Recruiter Extroidinare"

"Hey Robin, wait up," I yelled grabbing my guitar and leather jacket. He waited smiling, a little bit too happily I noted. Everything in my body screamed following him was wrong, but I didn't listen. I paused at the door to make sure I had everything. "Shoot!" I hurried back to my table and grabbed my coffee and the busin- where the business card had been left was now a leaf. Huh? I shrugged it must have been my imagination and he wasn't going to wait forever.

*******

"So where are you from?" I prodded looking for more information.
"Arca..." He swallowed hard. "I'm originally from Arkansas. What about you?"
"Arkansas, huh. I'm from here." I pointed around town sqaure.
"And where is here?" He smirked, his hair blowing wildly in the cold wind.
"P-town, Rhode Island?" I asked trying not to smile at him.
"Oh, right. I've been to so many small towns in the state it's not even funny. What would be funny is if a purple goat and a one eyed nymph had a baby... shit." He brought one hand up to his forehead and sighed as if he were frustrated.
"A purple what and a one-eyed what???" my eyes went wide and I started to see that he wasn't who I thought he was. His cheekbones were more prominent and his ear, oh my God, his ears were pointy. "Nevermind, I have to go." This made him stop short and turn to look at me.
"Olivia, wait. Please?"
"Robin I never gave you my name. Leave me alone. I'm leaving." I turned to leave and he grabbed my arm.
"Don't you want to find your mother?" He asked pleadingly looking into my eyes. He kissed me. I don't know if it was to make me stay, but bringing up my mother was already too much. I slapped him as hard as I could and turned to run.
"Okay sorry but you're coming with me." He grabbed me around the waist. I kicked and screamed but it was no use, there were now 3 Robins.
"HELP!!!" I tried to scream but nothing came out.

***************

Next thing I knew I was waking up on a couch, in a room painted red with matching red carpet, to a woman with dark hair playing a cello about 6 feet from where I lay. I recognized her almost instantly.
"Mommy?" My eyebrows were raised trying to keep myself from crying, I ran to her. I would've made it, but something, some invisible force was holding me back.
"Mom!" She couldn't hear me. "MOM!" I yelled. "MOMMM!!!!!!!!" I scream but it was no use the invisible barrier was too much and sound proof at that.
"Uhh!." I fell to the ground, as if looking at her, but not being able to touch her took all my energy.
"I'd relax if I were you." Robin was standing in the door with his arms crossed. "You'll wake the whole house and then we'll be in trouble." His ears and features were much more distinguished now than they were in the square.
"What the hell are you?" I gasped, it felt like the wind had been knocked out of my lungs. I was completely overwhelmed.
"Olivia, breathe. And drink this." He tried handing me a cup of liquid. I knocked it out of his hands and onto the floor.
"I would not do that again. The creatures that clean this house will have your head. Trust me. They already hate me as it is... I can't imagine what they would do if they knew that my company is making a mess too."
"Well it's not too hard to see why." I cringed at the thought of what creatures Robin was talking about.
He laughed. Under different circumstances my heart would have done flips for his laugh, or his smile, but today, I wanted to cry.
"Don't cry. Please. Because then I'll cry." I chucked to myself when he said this. "See now smiling isn't all bad."
"I'm laughing because otherwise, I will cry. I want some questions answered." I demanded
"And what might those be??" He sat down on the couch I woke up on.
"For starters. What are you?"
"I am fey." One corner of his mouth perked up as if he was unsure how I would take the news.
"Okay. Where are we?"
"We are in my friend Lea's house."
I paused, "...Why are we here?"
"To strike a deal with Lea."
"Who is Leah?" I kept hearing this person's name and it was starting to make me angry that I didn't know who this was.
"I am the Queen of the Exiles." A woman with long red hair that seemed to have a life of its own waltzed into the room. "What do you want Puck?"
"Who is Puck?" I stood up to meet her eyes.
"Back down Olivia. I am Puck." He had his hand on my shoulder trying to calm me. "We would like to take Maria home with us."
"You can not take my cello!" She said calmly but anger lay just around the bend.
"She's my mother! I would like her back please."
"Oh, well, sure. By all means take her since you used you nice little girl manners." Lea said sarcastically.
"I'll make a deal with you." Puck said. This did not sound good to me.
"What do you have for me today, Darlings." She smiled. I almost wanted to stop being angry. I wanted to sit and draw her over and over again.
Puck stood in my way, blocking my view he whispered "I told you not to look at her." With that he turned around saying "Come with me for a minute. Leave the human with her mother."

************

He returned a few minutes later smiling. "Grab your mom and lets go. I hate this place." I must have given him an odd look because he added "Too many memories." Whether they were good or bad I didn't ask. I just wanted to take my mom home.

***********

"She most likely won't remember a thing. So tell your dad a story. One that he will believe. Have a good life Olivia Maris." He smiled, kissed my cheek and turned to leave. I grabbed his shoulder and hugged him as hard as I could.
"Thank you Puck. You're awesome."
He smiled, which sent shivers up and down my spine. "I am awesome."






The end.









Needs some work. But this'll have to do for now <3

food for thought

For one reason or another I've been thinking about the stages of grief and how they don't just apply to death but to anything.
I was in my bi-weekly counseling session with a few other ladies the other day. One was beaten by her husband and one who was raped at 8 years old by her brother. I was able to share what I had been through as a child and one of the women asked me "how can you talk about this so easily?" I had to think about it...
I said 'just like the sages of mourning or grief that you go through when someone passes away... I did that but with my trauma... it still bothers me, yes, but not to the point I can't talk about most of it... ask me for all the dirty little details and I can't do it, but telling you how I feel that's a different story."
I honestly don't think I really knew what I meant until now.

I've been through all the stages.
Denial: When I was little and all the way up until I was about 15 (when sex starts to interest teens... at least for me anyways) I didn't want to think about it. Talk about it. Didn't want anything to do with it. I didn't want to think that my mother didn't protect me from my ex-step-father, that she didn't take her bi-polar medication and protect me from herself. I had DCF come into my life because my son had phneumonia and double ear infections. Now tell me I'm not crazy, but I think being beaten by your crazy-ass mother and raped by your step-father every time you went over their house for 4 years straight, warrents DCF being in the picture... but they were never there. so DCF, FUCK YOU!

Anger: Okay well, I'm still a little bit angry but I think that's because I'm a mother now and I can't see how you could do anything to hurt your child or let them get hurt when they tell you something 'bad' or 'not right is going on' and you not believe them. wtf is that! I'm still angry at my mother, I'm angry at my ex-step-father who had kids of his own (older than my mom at the time) and that he would do such a thing, I'm angry at DCF, I'm even angry at my dad for not being around more and not noticing the bruises. When I was a teenager I put my parents through hell, all to tell them that I was pissed off and they should somehow pay. (Jacen or Hunter you ever do that to me and you'll never hear the end of it.) I used to cut myself, do drugs, never do the things I was supposed to do, talked back, cursed at them, etc. I feel awful about it now... but at the time I didn't give two shits.

Bargaining: I don't really remember bargaining with anyone, maybe for money to go shopping with... but we all at one point or another say 'I would trade anything if I could go back...'

Depression: I'm still dealing with the depression... it comes and goes but it's a demon hiding in the dark waiting to attack when ever I'm happy... in a sense you can never truely be entirely happy.

Acceptance: I have accepted what happened to me and am finally starting to move on... it took 15 years but I'm starting to get going.

Thanks for listening/reading/whatever <3

to start

Okay, so it's been a while since I've had a blog, live journal... or a journal in general. So here goes nothing.
Allow me to introduce myself... if anyone cares. I'm Katherine. My friends call me Kate. My family on my father's side call me Katherine, on my mom's it's Kathy... which i completely LOATH! Do not, under any circumstances call me Kathy... well, not unless you have a death wish. Being called Kathy infuriates the hell out of me and the only reason I tolerate it from my family is, well, they're blood and you don't disrespect blood. Any who, moving on.
I'm 22, live in New England and have two little boys (which you will most likely find are my life and I complain A LOT about my 3 year-old's father).
I have brown (right now it's artificially strawberry blond) hair and golden brown eyes.
I'm short, all of my tall guy friends call me midget which they find friggin' hilarious... I on the other hand got jipped on the gene pool, okay so I'm 5 foot 1 and I like to pretend I'm 5 foot 2 (yes that extra inch really does make a difference in making me somewhat satisfied), but alas my non-drivers ID says I'm 5 foot 1.
I'm full of piss and vinegar, and have a raunchy sense of humor. Honestly anything perverted really makes me laugh... dunno why. call me immature if you like but I don't give two sh*ts.
I LOVE to read YA books (mostly about vampires, fey, warewovles, witches... etc). I am completely engorged in two series: The Iorn Fey series by Julie Kagawa and The Mortal Instruments by Cassandra Clare. Which one came first you might ask? Well... that's like asking if the chicken or the egg question that every says when they want to be obnoxious. lol. I read Cassandra Clare's series first and LOVED it!
I took 4 years of voice lessons and LOVE music. I love to sing, I'm always humming a tune and ocassionally... if the moment strikes me right, I'll randomly break into song. It's amusing when ppl look at you like you have 3 heads or are a fire breathing dragon...
I have a vast imagination. I'm always dreaming up something. I want to be a writter or a singer. These are the only things I know how to do  and do them well.
That's all for now folks.

<3